My Mind Runs Away To You
by bloodyhell-ronald
Summary: In a modern AU, Éponine is a social worker, determined to get custody for a child in bad circumstances. Enjolras, as a social lawyer, is the one she goes to for help.


The door slammed shut behind him as he entered the room too quickly, with too much force. He was still angry, still too worked up about his latest case. Sometimes his job was just too damn frustrating! He loved it nonetheless; being a social justice lawyer and human rights activist was his life, even though the need for help was seemingly endless and sometimes discouraging. He ran his hand through his hair, ruffling up his curls even more. Somehow the day just didn't want to end. When there was a knock on his door, he actually hesitated to answer it. Some peace and quiet was much appreciated. It could very well be Marius, blabbering on and on about that girl Cosette he met two weeks ago and which whom he was just so in love. The mere thought about his lovesick friend made him cringe. Still debating with himself, he heard a soft voice coming from the door.

"Hey, Enjolras, are you there? R said I could find you here."

This was new for a change. She had never really talked to him despite their common friends, let alone had she ever been at his flat all by herself.

"Éponine", he remarked as he opened the door, "What can I do for you?"

"I need your help."

The young woman squeezed past him into the flat and made her way into the kitchen, sitting down on a chair.

"Aren't you going to ask?" Éponine wondered.

"You're going to tell me anyway, aren't you? Does it have something to do with Marius? Because, Éponine, I'm the last person who can help you with unrequited love."

He sighed, blowing a blond strand of hair out of his eyes before he leaned against the doorframe.

"I'm not here because of that", she snapped, maybe a little too harshly.

Yes, she was in love with Marius, for three and a half years now and yes, she knew it was hopeless because she was nothing more than one of the guys to him. But there was no need being so rude about it.

"It's not about Marius. You'd be the last person I'd ask for advice, trust me." She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I need your help. You're a lawyer, right? I need your advice on something work-related. See, I'm working with this family right now, a young couple and their son." Éponine sighed, running a hand through her tangled mess of brown hair.

"The boy is five and an absolute sweetheart. But, as you might have guessed considering I'm a social worker, he doesn't live in the best circumstances. I just want to know how likely it is that I can get custody for him. Because if you say that there's little to no chance, then I don't need to pay for a lawyer."

"Why do want to take him in? Proper custody? So he is equal to a child?"

"He reminds me of who I used to be and that's all the information you need. That's more than you need, because all you need to know is that Gavroche is dearer to me than any other person in the world. No need to give me that eye-roll, pretty boy. Yes, he's dearer to me than Marius. I want to take him in; I want to be responsible for that munchkin."

And Enjolras agreed. He agreed to help her because, even though they hardly knew anything from each other and this had been the first time he had heard anything about her childhood, he wanted to make sure that the boy would grow up in a loving household.

Until one day, Éponine didn't come alone to their meetings. They had met for a month now, planning her case, planning her arguments, collecting evidence. There was not much hope, though. She was only 25, had worked as a social worker for the last three years. Her income wasn't the best. It wasn't very likely that she'd be given custody for Gavroche.

"Hey", the brunette grinned at Enjolras as she entered his flat, a small boy with hair as messy and blond as Enjolras' holding her hand.

"I had to bring Gavroche with me. Hope that's okay? Even if it isn't, you haven't got much of a choice, pretty boy."

"As long as he doesn't mess things up" Enjolras muttered, not pleased to have a small child in his flat.

They let the kid roam around the flat as they worked on their strategy and Enjolras was glad to notice that the boy didn't make too much noise. He mainly sat next to Éponine, reading a book and occasionally walking around to discover all the things in the flat.

When Enjolras suggested to take a break and went into the kitchen to brew some coffee – he basically lived on that stuff and it wasn't much different for Éponine – Gavroche followed him nearly silently. With furrowed brows, Enjolras decided to ignore him until he heard the kid giggle behind him. Confused, he turned around to see Gavroche grinning at him with bright eyes and the slightest beginning of a smirk.

"You little shit", he muttered, a grin tugging on his lips, as Enjolras realized just what Gavroche had done: he had expertly re-arranged everything in the kitchen. Things that had been left of the sink were now found on its right and vice versa. The coffee Enjolras used to keep right next to the coffee machine had been replaced by a box of tea.

The boy broke out in a fit of laughter, hugging Enjolras.

"Gotcha!" Gavroche grinned before skipping back to Éponine.

From that day on, Éponine would bring Gavroche more often. So Enjolras knew for whom they were doing this, for whom he had to work after his actual work, for whom he gave up some of his free time.

And every time from that day on, Enjolras would notice little things that were off. One time he found his remote in the fridge, another time Gavroche had put googly eyes on every electronic device. Enjolras had still found them days, even weeks later! It was fine, though. He wasn't angry at the boy. He'd never admit it but he came to grew fond of the little urchin.

Shortly before their trial, Éponine asked him to come over to her flat. Gavroche was sick and sleeping the whole day; she could hardly bring him with her to Enjolras' apartment. It was the first time the young man ever set foot in her flat. In her private life, actually. He still didn't know more of her than that she had apparently come from a similar family as Gavroche and that, according to Marius, Cosette had lived with her for a while. He really knew nothing and expected just as much.

Her flat was small but full of light, the walls covered in photos and there were books everywhere.

"Sorry we have to do this here. He's really sick and I can't leave him with his parents. I just..."

"It's okay", he interrupted her softly, "I understand. Look, I thought about something. Can't we ask Cosette to speak for you? She used to be your sister and maybe she can..."

"No." Éponine rose from the small sofa, pacing nervously, "No. We're not... no, forget it." She ran a hand through her hair, shaking a little as she sat down next to Enjolras again.

They were silent for a while until the young woman began quietly: "Cosette used to live with us for three years. Her mother was very sick; cancer. We were maybe seven years old and she was my best friend. But she used to be angry with me all the time, because I asked our parents to make Cosette clean the house and the tavern they used to run. She never knew the alternative to scrubbing dirty floors. She was jealous that I got to spend time with our father, that I never had to clean. If she had only known what was going on behind closed doors... Her mother died and suddenly a man came and took her away. Her uncle, Marius told me."

Éponine sighed, looking at her hands in her lap.

"I was so angry with her because she left me all alone. She left me alone with them and never came back to get me. I know it wasn't her fault, I am glad she got out before it was too late. I'm glad she got to live a happy childhood after all. And then she came back only to... Marius was never mine to lose, yes I know. Trust me when I tell you that I don't want or need her in my life. What I need is to win this trial, what I need is to keep Gavroche safe and to get him out of a house where he is worth as much as the dirt behind the fridge. Before his parents start turning into my parents and being ignored is what he wishes for. Do you understand me? This is nothing personal, this is not about me and we're not dragging my past into it."

Her gaze was hard and full of fire as he caught her eyes, nodding without saying a word.

She took a deep breath, trying to control her shaky hands. Now he knew. Now he had gotten a glimpse into her life and now he wished he hadn't because now he couldn't stop worrying about her. Now he couldn't stop imagining what she must've gone through. Now he couldn't stop caring about her, as much as he loved to pretend that he wasn't much of a caring type of guy.

He had to show her though. Especially after they lost the trial. She remained Gavroche's social worker but the court made it clear that her job was to help the family grow together and not to tear them apart.

Éponine had been devastated, not wanting to speak to anyone. How she was doing, their friends asked him, only to be met by a harsh "How should I know?" coming from Enjolras. Why did everyone assume they had grown close over the course of the past four months? They hadn't. He had only grown attached to her and the kiddo.

A few days after the trial, Éponine let Enjolras into her flat in the middle of the night.

"Hey", he smiled, "I found that kitten and I named it Égalité. It's for you."

He had bought the scruffiest looking little fella from the shelter. It looked like it needed the most help and he knew how much she wanted to take care of someone, even though she would never admit it.

Éponine had just rolled her eyes, a sly grin on her lips. "Of course you named it Égalité", she had teased him. And he had liked it.

"Pack your bags, we're taking a train to Disney Land tonight. R knows about the kitten, he'll take care of it tomorrow and the day after."

"We're what?"

"We're going to Disney Land." Even though he dreaded the face characters, the rides, the queuing, the overpriced food and the generally sugary-sweet atmosphere of a place like Disney Land, he had felt the need to take her there, just to see her happy, just to see her forget her worries for a day or two. He's fine with being surrounded by screaming kids and not being able to work for a few days because he gets to see her smile.

A few weeks after the lost trial, Enjolras was greeted by the side of a sleeping Gavroche, clutching Égalité, on Éponine's arm in the middle of the night.

"Hey", she smiled at him, chewing on her bottom lip nervously, "Gavroche here accidentally flooded my apartment and we don't know where to go... Could we..."

"Come in and stay as long as you need to. Do I want to know how he did it?"

"Nope", she laughed, "You really don't. It won't be long, I promise."

Three nights, as it turned out. She hadn't known where to go. The rest of her friends wouldn't understand and really, she could hardly turn up at Marius' door when she was still in love with him while he was cooing over Cosette. It was annoying, it hurt and besides, Gavroche adored Enjolras. And vice versa.

The first night, Enjolras slept on the sofa. When he woke up, he found Gavroche sleeping on top of him instead of next to Éponine. He smiled a little and dozed off again until the boy had woken up himself and insisted on making breakfast.

While Gavroche was buzzing and bubbling, Enjolras kept quiet. The mornings were never his favourite part of the day and coffee was a necessity. He didn't mind Gavroche, though.

The second night Enjolras slept in his own bed, with Éponine and Gavroche. The kid had insisted and Enjolras had protested, gloomily and grumpily but secretly he kind of liked it. Éponine slept all curled up at the very other side of his bed, with Gavroche between them, all curled up as well. Sleeping curled up makes you small and when you're small, maybe you didn't get hurt, just maybe you were overlooked. Just maybe people won't see and harm them.

After the third and last night, Enjolras woke up with Gavroche half on top of him, his little hand right in Enjolras' face while Éponine is sprawled out on the bed, one arm slung around Gavroche and her free hand tangled in Enjolras' blond locks. He wouldn't admit it, but the sight of them being comfortable in his presence made his heart leap with joy. He wouldn't admit it, but the sight of Éponine with messy hair, her face buried at his shoulder and one of her legs intertwined with his tightens his throat and makes him want to touch her lips, her nose, her eyebrows, her jaw. It makes him want her to rest her head on his chest while he plays with her hair.

He was glad to have his bed to himself after three nights, though.

Éponine got in trouble a lot over the course of the next six months. She kept picking Gavroche up from school (he had started it this summer and Éponine couldn't be more proud) or let him sleep over at her place. His parents didn't care but they still went to court. Because maybe they could get a new social worker, someone who wouldn't care so much. Caring was to their disadvantage, caring meant they could take away the kid and with him their money they got from the government.

She didn't tell Enjolras. No, she kept pretending, in front of him, in front of Marius, of Grantaire, of the rest of their friends. She didn't want to be a failure. Not again.

Until one day. Until one day she just appeared at Enjolras' flat, pressing him against the wall.

"I need to blow off some steam, pretty boy, I need to get a lot out of my system", she told him, her voice low and harsh, all fire and rage, "and you're gonna help me. Because either we're going to have sex or I'm taking you to some kick-boxing lessons. You decide."

Luckily, he decided to go for the first option. Everything else would've been rather embarrassing for Éponine.

They didn't cuddle afterwards; they didn't even touch nor spoke to each other.

"I got Gavroche's case taken away from me. I'm not his social worker anymore and I'm only allowed to see him once a week for an hour. You'll have to go to court, too, because I demanded that you're given the same right. He can't lose you, you know? He loves you."

Only then did he take her into his arms.

They had agreed that this adventure was to be filed under _Fantastic One Time Experiences Which Are Not To Be Repeated For The Sake Of Not Ruining A Friendship. _She had laughed about it, said it sounded like a Fall Out Boy song title. They had parted ways, both with the feeling of relief.

And with the feeling of emptiness on Éponine's side. Because she was still in love with Marius. Because how could someone like Enjolras ever love her? Let's face it, she was just some girl from a scummy family who's way too idealistic and way too romantic and being friends is okay but she's not really worth much. Most certainly not worthy of his adoration or passion.

He's only passionate for his cases and his cause anyway but lately he found himself growing more and more passionate for her too but it couldn't be because she was still into Marius. Just why? That guy was boring compared to him! More affectionate, yes and more emotional and he probably smiled much more, and laughed much more too and yes, he could see why she'd rather be with Marius than with him.

At least he still got to see Gavroche. He went with Éponine to see the kid once a week for an hour. All they ever did was sitting in the child's sparsely furnished and decorated room, chatting, laughing, playing board or card games. Enjolras even found himself planning his other appointments around the weekly meeting. He had allowed the little rascal into his heart and now there was no way he could live without Gavroche's teasing and little schemes.

But Éponine was in distress over the whole situation. Not seeing Gavroche every day or at least whenever she liked pained her in a way nothing else had ever pained her before.

So Enjolras began to stay a little longer at her flat after their weekly visits. He invited her to lunch, for ice cream, to one of Grantaire's art exhibitions. He even went to visit Gavroche by himself only to write a letter to Éponine together because the visits have been reduced from once a week to once every second week.

Enjolras saw the suffering in her eyes, the way she made herself smaller while walking, the general pain which started to surround her. She would never admit it because she was a strong woman, no one to back down from a challenge. She had other cases, other children who needed her help, other duties in life. She couldn't be in such a misery.

All he wanted was to take her into his arms, tell her everything was going to be alright. But he couldn't. Because she was still in love with Marius, because he could see the longing whenever she looked at his friend. Because she would never look at him the way she looked at Marius. Why would she even be into him? He was nothing but some rich boy who wanted to change the world radically, and he didn't have time for love, anyway, because there was so much to do, and he could never give her what she needed, so there was really no need to be this pathetic.

So he buried himself in his work, in demonstrations, in law suits, in writing his PhD about the social injustice in the French law concerning children from underprivileged families. Just thinking about Gavroche made his heart ache and he was sure that more could've been done if the authorities would just look!

He didn't tell her about it, though. He was a little ashamed that he got so involved, that he came to care too much. And because he cared too much, he had to distance himself from her. Sometimes people leave because caring hurt. It most certainly did.

At the rare occasions Éponine still met up with him and their friends, he went on about the injustice of the law, feminism, homosexuality, rights for workers and immigrants. But never about children. Éponine came to the conclusion that everything she so deeply cared for, all her talk about children, her passion for them, that all of it has just been a joke to him all along. That he had only helped her in the first place because Grantiare would've been cross with him if he hadn't helped. She didn't know he still cared about Gavroche because she had stopped visiting the kid. It hurt too much, she cared too deeply and she was only allowed to see him once every month with his parents present by now. It would be no good to see him and her little munchkin understood. At least he had said so, the last time she had seen him and explained everything as good as she could.

And it was just all a big mess. It was awkward and he was worried about her, but also kind of angry that she had just vanished out of his life after she had come into it with such a force and determination. Whenever he saw her, he only wanted to wrap her into his arms, to make her feel safe and understood. He only ever wanted to see her hand tangled in his hair again, like the one night all these months ago. He only wanted to marvel at the beauty of her dark olive skin, the perfect contrast between their skins whenever she had grabbed his hand to drag him somewhere.

Éponine on the other hand thought that no one really cared even though that was never true but she felt as if no one did. All she wanted was to sit down with Enjolras and mock him a bit and bicker and make fun of Marius and Cosette with him because they were so in love and so obnoxious about it and they used to love rolling their eyes at them and she missed him more than she wants to admit. Because caring only hurt and sometimes shutting out was easier than caring. When they met up with the rest, on the rare occasions she came, she thought that he might miss her too but only for a minute. Then the slight feeling of hope vanished and she was sure again that he's always been annoyed with her and that he was angry with her because that's all people seemed to feel towards her. Her parents were always angry with her, Cosette used to be angry with her as a kid and Marius was angry at her when she told him she loved him and he was angry with her when she told him that he can't just fall in love with someone he's never talked to and he only stopped being angry with her when she told him a week later that she knew that girl and that she could introduce them. And now she screwed up with Gavroche and he was angry with her and so was her boss because she got too attached. And Enjolras had every right to be angry because she only used him to get Gavroche out of there and she never paid him any salary, so of course he was mad at her.

Not to mentioned that he had to listen to her whine about really irrelevant things when there's so much pain in the world. Her kitten is angry with her, too, because sometimes when she wants to cuddle, Égalité just hides away. She felt alone, even when she was surrounded by her friends, even when they tried to talk to her.

They merely pitied her. Poor little Eponine, in love with a man who was not available for years now and it was just pathetic how she couldn't let go. With the lost case and ultimately with losing Gavroche, of course her friends only saw her as a pathetic little girl. And of course Enjolras would never fall for her even though she kind of wanted him to because being with him made her happy and someone being into you was the greatest compliment she could think of.

But then again, she didn't want him to fall for her because she was toxic and she could never make anyone happy. She couldn't even make her parents happy, let alone someone as passionate and ambitious and free spirited as Enjolras.

But of course she made him happy and of course he cared way too much! He was too stubborn, though, and she was the one to walk away, he was not going to chase her!

He needed to know how she was but instead of asking Éponine himself, he asked Gavroche the next time he visited.

"So, kiddo", Enjolras started with an unfamiliar uncertainty in his voice, "how's Éponine?"

The boy shrugged his shoulders and continued the board game. "I don't know. She can't come anymore. She said she cares too much and sometimes people leave because caring hurts. She said it's okay because the court wants her not to see me and courts are good and lawyers are good and one day I'll understand. Mummy said she doesn't come anymore because she doesn't love me. Do you think that's true? Do you think 'Ponine doesn't love me?" Gavroche looked up at Enjolras, his eyes filled with pain and worry.

"Oh kiddo... don't think for a second she doesn't love you. She does, so much. Sometimes people leave you because they care, she's right. Sometimes people stay because they care. Sometimes people who don't care stay, too. Life is a mess. You want to go it one way but it does the other."

"Like my hair. And yours", Gavroche grinned, "Mummy said 'Ponine is a bad person because she took me away from home. But my Mummy and Daddy need me because I have to help at home. They're tired often and I do things for them. They said 'Ponine will never take me away again, she'll never hurt them again."

Enjolras stared at him and blinked a few times. He was absolutely speechless. And he finally snapped. This was it.

"I'll be right back", he muttered before leaving the bedroom. Eventually, he found Gavroche's parents in the living room, watching telly. It didn't even take much money to be allowed to take care of Gavroche for the weekend. A few hundred, that's it. And Enjolras gladly paid.

"Kiddo, we're going to see Éponine", he announced as he came back into the child's bedroom. He had wanted to go see her for some while now but extreme stubbornness and the slight panic of being hated had made it impossible for him. But he knows how much Éponine loved the kid, so she could at least not yell at him in front of Gavroche. Besides, giving her a weekend with Gavroche was the biggest gesture he could think of (even though buying her another kitten had crossed his mind).

When she opened the door, being hugged by Gavroche was the last thing she had expected. But there he was, clutching her waist and there she was, running her fingers through his messy hair.

"I'll pick him up Sunday afternoon again", Enjolras said.

"Why don't you stay for a while?"

His surprise conjured a smile on her face, a slight smirk even.

They didn't do much during the weekend. A trip to the zoo, but most of the time they just lay in her bed, Éponine reading a book, Gavroche sleeping or chatting while Enjolras stayed with them, watching and smiling.

It felt good to see her smile again, it felt good to see her at ease, to see her be the wonderful and strong woman he grew to care about so much. It was a mess, it was awkward and they didn't talk much but it felt like a weight had been lifted off their chests.

They cooked together, Gavroche and Éponine singing and dancing around in her flat while Enjolras watched them, shaking his head amused by them.

Sunday came and Gavroche went again. Éponine had told him over and over again that she loved him, that she cared about him but that she wasn't allowed to see him again.

During the weekend she had tried hard to convince herself. To tell herself that yes, she was still in love with Marius, because it was so much easier to pretend that Cosette was standing between them than to admit that she had fallen for Enjolras a long time ago and this time it was herself, her being the way she was, her character and ideals that stood in the way of her happiness.

So she pretended she didn't love him, pretended she didn't care while he kept on pretending that he didn't care that she didn't care.

After he had dropped off the kid, Enjolras went back to her place. Not after debating with himself whether or not it was such a good idea.

But she opened the door and she let him in.

"How did you...?"

"Money", he said grimly.

"I'll pay you back", she quickly answered, "I'll give you the money. How much was it?"

"I don't want your money. It's fine."

She only nodded, unsure of what it meant. He was allowed to stay, though. While she read, he wrote his thesis on his laptop, not talking to each other, only occasionally to ask for some coffee.

And it was fine because they enjoyed each other's presence, they needed it, craved it.

When Éponine went to bed, Enjolras simply stayed, slept on the sofa.

Because even though they shut each other out and even though they were both too stubborn for their own good and cared too much about each other and even though their lives were a mess, there was a small silver lining on the horizon.

In the morning, when she woke up, she walked past him in a shirt of his he hadn't noticed had gone missing. Without a word she made coffee and handed him a mug, smiling at him.

Maybe, just maybe, could they be friends again.


End file.
